My first entry was a couple of days ago and it was meant to see how the page worked.  In that post I commented that ‘this’ (meaning setting up a web page/blog) is hard.  I was frustrated and overwhelmed and doubting if I could figure it all out. 

I am sort of tech savvy and had a lot of confidence that everything would be relatively easy. I did all the things you should do when stepping into something new.  First stop was Google, of course. I read all the stuff. I researched hosts and software, read reviews and watched Youtube videos until I found what I thought was the best choice and jumped in. I followed my step by step guide and at first it was fine, but then somewhere around step 5 it wasn’t and it felt like I had been thrown in the deep end of the pool with no floaties. My confidence was gone. I wanted to give up. I didn’t cry,  but I questioned my calling. I doubted. I told myself I had got it all wrong, surely I was in over my head.  This blog/web business is for the tech heads and computer geeks, not your average computer plunker like me. I shut down my computer and went to my craft world for solace. 

The next morning I turned the computer on and tried again and I made a little progress. Someone once said to me, “How do you eat an elephant?”  “One bite at a time.”  So day by day and bit by bit I figured it out. Small Bite by small bite.  I have a lot to learn about this blog world, but I know I can handle it and I know I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. What restored my confidence? I listened to that little inner voice that said “Don’t back down!” 

Good or bad, I have never been the one that backed down when I was challenged. I know that my parents were exhausted by that character trait, especially in my teenage years, but it is who I am.- for good or bad. I remember when I was a little kid, maybe 6 or so and my sister was trying to teach me how to swim. She would hold me up in the water until I floated and then let go. I sank every time and was mad about it.  I gave up. She gave up. I was mad. She probably laughed at my mad.  But one day I saw a tiny little girl, maybe three or four years old swimming under the water and all over like a fish and I decided that I could do  that too and I jumped in and swam.  

I think God works in our lives just like that. He holds us up until we float and then lets us try it on our own.  Without him we sink, but if we rely on the gifts he has given us we can swim. My stubborn unwillingness to back down has been with me all my life. It has carried me these 50+ years and I am thankful for it.  Sometimes though I feel like I might drown without God holding me up and all I have to do is relax and rest on him just like I did when my sister had her hands under my back in that swimming pool when I was 6.  I can float. I can do this.  He is there. 


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